I have a new friend. It's a very one-sided relationship, but it's working for us both. It's name is Darvocet. I take it, it gives pain relief. It also makes me dizzy which makes me puke, but you have to take the good with the bad, right?
Tuesday night the congestion in my head and ears started to effect my hearing. As I understand, sinus issues are one of those side-effects of taxotere, but one you just kinda have to deal with and get through. Wednesday evening found me in the med. center with throbbing ear pain (thank you Janna and Bev for helping!) A couple hours later I'm on amox. and darvocet and sleeping like a babe. Unfortunately even today (Friday) my hearing and dizziness hasn't resolved. I imagine that due to chemo, my healing factor is down so much that it'll take a while. I'm confident that some time today, the goo'll slide away from my eardrum and I'll be back on track! Knock on wood.
Which brings us to hearing. God continues to add to my areas of empathy - this time: those with hearing troubles. I've learned that I rely a great deal on periferal input when having conversations. To be able to glean feedback from your environment through sounds and not just sight has a huge impact on my ability to have a conversation. So in a short conversation with someone across the room at a gathering not only can I not tell how loudly I am talking and if I'm communicating clearly, but I can't get auditory feedback from the room to know if other people are hmm,mmm-ing/tuning in that I should pay attention to additional people. Plus the frequencies that I can hear are over-the-top distracting and interfering with all the mental energy I'm putting out (and when I'm not feeling well and responding to my environment effectively, I tend to mentally shut down, so it's not saying much!) It's exhausting! Another area of growth and learning for Amanda!
In the meantime, LOTS of rest. Yesterday I emerged from the bedroom for less than an hour total probably. Josh on the other hand, made a fantastic meal of prime rib, glazed carrots, spinach/cranberry/avocado salad, cheesy potatoes, etc., etc. He spent the morning moving stuff and the afternoon/evening in the kitchen. You see, we had our neighbors over for a farewell dinner last night. If you have not had your neighbors over as a collective group for dinner, I highly recommend it! In our neighborhood, we talk and enjoy our neighbors individually (when we're not hibernating), but we had never gathered them all at the same time. In our next neighborhood, we're going to have everyone over shortly after we move in. It just makes sense.
And finally, George. We found a home for George! Barring any disaster at pick-up tonight, he'll be the happy resident on a 20 acre horse farm out in Standale. Hooray! Though cat adoption and cancer don't seem intricately linked, there's certainly a connection between stress & anxiety and slow recovery. So to have George safely adopted means less anxiety and greater healing. Knock on wood, again.
Thank you, God for teaching moments and small blessings.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Party Time!!
I have to say, I have an amazing husband! And he knows I need my amazing friends.
Today was my last chemo treatment. Hazaaah!! I'll admit I almost didn't go. I've noticed a pattern over the last 4 treatments that on the day/night before not only do I go into a depression-like funk, but sometimes I actually start to feel like I've already begun treatment. The brain's an amazing thing, huh? So needless to say, yesterday was a horrible day for me, but I've got an amazing husband who recognized what I need & insisted on helping me, and an amazing community of friends that continue to support our family (thank you Visser family!). They got me - us - through it. It was very good for them to help with the kids yesterday.
Today I woke up overly anxious. I couldn't get out the door soon enough to get it over with. My poor doctors usually get 'punchy Amanda,' (the sarcastic, pessimistic version) but they're good sports about it - at least at 'bedside.' Maybe they all walk out wiping their brow and pulling faces, I'll never know! Josh gave me a great 'silver-lining' pep talk on the way there. He's good at it and I've recommended the talk to a few people already :) It helped, too, that I was able to get a good chunk of time with my sister Lisa who went with me today. So I did it. I finished chemo!
AND THEN....
When I got home (can I just tell you how great Josh is??) there were flowers and valentine chocolates waiting (which I ate [the chocolates, that is] because tomorrow I won't be able to taste them) and a note saying he's got a babysitter and we're going out tonight. What a man! But it gets better... He surprised me by inviting a bunch of friends and my sister to meet us at the restaurant!! I have never felt so special and pleased to celebrate a gucky day in my life! Thank you everyone. Thank you, Josh.
(Josh started his own blog yesterday: "My wife has cancer" I haven't googled the topic (and maybe it'll have a different purpose), but I'm not sure there's many blogs about what it's like to be the support system for a spouse going through cancer. Maybe there is. It's a brand new blog so there's nothing posted just yet.)
So enough about my wonderful hubby - focus, Amanda, it's a cancer blog.
The Plan: tomorrow I'll go for the WBC-boosting Neulasta shot (because it didn't work out not to) and then mentally check out for the weekend. Josh'll move much of the house to storage and our 'new home' over the weekend, we'll manage side-effects all next week, move out and then we're done-done with this round of chemo. I cannot wait!
So we've done a little partying, now to run on the warm beach :)
Oh! We need a home for George the cat, STAT! He needs a permanent or temporary home before we move out on the 21st. Here's a pic and if you (or any friends) wanna adopt or borrow, please let us know. He'll be put down if he's brought to the shelter, I'm quite certain, and he's too nice a cat for that, poor thing.
Today was my last chemo treatment. Hazaaah!! I'll admit I almost didn't go. I've noticed a pattern over the last 4 treatments that on the day/night before not only do I go into a depression-like funk, but sometimes I actually start to feel like I've already begun treatment. The brain's an amazing thing, huh? So needless to say, yesterday was a horrible day for me, but I've got an amazing husband who recognized what I need & insisted on helping me, and an amazing community of friends that continue to support our family (thank you Visser family!). They got me - us - through it. It was very good for them to help with the kids yesterday.
Today I woke up overly anxious. I couldn't get out the door soon enough to get it over with. My poor doctors usually get 'punchy Amanda,' (the sarcastic, pessimistic version) but they're good sports about it - at least at 'bedside.' Maybe they all walk out wiping their brow and pulling faces, I'll never know! Josh gave me a great 'silver-lining' pep talk on the way there. He's good at it and I've recommended the talk to a few people already :) It helped, too, that I was able to get a good chunk of time with my sister Lisa who went with me today. So I did it. I finished chemo!
AND THEN....
When I got home (can I just tell you how great Josh is??) there were flowers and valentine chocolates waiting (which I ate [the chocolates, that is] because tomorrow I won't be able to taste them) and a note saying he's got a babysitter and we're going out tonight. What a man! But it gets better... He surprised me by inviting a bunch of friends and my sister to meet us at the restaurant!! I have never felt so special and pleased to celebrate a gucky day in my life! Thank you everyone. Thank you, Josh.
(Josh started his own blog yesterday: "My wife has cancer" I haven't googled the topic (and maybe it'll have a different purpose), but I'm not sure there's many blogs about what it's like to be the support system for a spouse going through cancer. Maybe there is. It's a brand new blog so there's nothing posted just yet.)
So enough about my wonderful hubby - focus, Amanda, it's a cancer blog.
The Plan: tomorrow I'll go for the WBC-boosting Neulasta shot (because it didn't work out not to) and then mentally check out for the weekend. Josh'll move much of the house to storage and our 'new home' over the weekend, we'll manage side-effects all next week, move out and then we're done-done with this round of chemo. I cannot wait!
So we've done a little partying, now to run on the warm beach :)
Oh! We need a home for George the cat, STAT! He needs a permanent or temporary home before we move out on the 21st. Here's a pic and if you (or any friends) wanna adopt or borrow, please let us know. He'll be put down if he's brought to the shelter, I'm quite certain, and he's too nice a cat for that, poor thing.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Some week!
Well last week was a trip to the ER. This week is a double-trip to the kids' doctor's office. JUST the place I do NOT want to be right now.
Esther and Levi both have ear infections. Esther went in on Monday. Levi was checked that day, but was fine. Naturally. But by Tuesday night he, too, was complaining of a painful ear. So...antibiotics for everyone! Thankfully we've discovered the free meds from Meijer. Yea! My cipro and their amox. was free! Makes you wonder who's paying for them. I'm guessing NOT Meijer.
This past weekend we - scratch that - Josh and a couple of buddies (thank you George and Dave!) moved some - scratch that - lots of furniture out of the basement, stuff from the shed and garage, and some from the storage area over to the new storage unit. (I sound like we should be on an episode of "Clean House"!) This Friday a few other friends (thank Dirk/Kristen and Dave/Sally!) will come spend a good chunk of time helping box up stuff all over the house. The following week, we'll probably move stuff/furniture to the Kenyons and then the week after that - we're out! And homeless! Yea! Oh ya, and have a round of chemo in there, too.
Even though it's the last round of chemo, I still dread the thought of going. I was bemoaning my situation this week. You know, for being a primarily (though not entirely) 'female' disease, it certainly has a way of making you feel less womanly. And why does it take so long to treat it when theoretically the cancer's gone following surgery? Why can an antibiotic kill a virus/bacteria in 5-10 days, and it takes months and months and all your hair falling out for a cancer cell to die? I can't imagine the chemo drugs are that much less hefty. Sigh. One to go. Almost done. And I can almost see the "5:00 shadow-ish" look of my hair without squinting into the mirror. So those are all good things.
Did you know...
Read a devotional this week (My Utmost for His Highest again). It put it so plainly and I don't know if I've heard it said so clearly - our redemption is not for our sake, that is for us to be closer to God, but it's for God's sake - so that he may be glorified. I always kinda thought salvation was for us to get 'out of the muck' but, Hello!, our salvation is for God that we may glorify him. Imagine that...it's not about me. Funny thing. :) We so often strive to 'save' someone when in reality we should be redeeming them for God.
Esther and Levi both have ear infections. Esther went in on Monday. Levi was checked that day, but was fine. Naturally. But by Tuesday night he, too, was complaining of a painful ear. So...antibiotics for everyone! Thankfully we've discovered the free meds from Meijer. Yea! My cipro and their amox. was free! Makes you wonder who's paying for them. I'm guessing NOT Meijer.
This past weekend we - scratch that - Josh and a couple of buddies (thank you George and Dave!) moved some - scratch that - lots of furniture out of the basement, stuff from the shed and garage, and some from the storage area over to the new storage unit. (I sound like we should be on an episode of "Clean House"!) This Friday a few other friends (thank Dirk/Kristen and Dave/Sally!) will come spend a good chunk of time helping box up stuff all over the house. The following week, we'll probably move stuff/furniture to the Kenyons and then the week after that - we're out! And homeless! Yea! Oh ya, and have a round of chemo in there, too.
Even though it's the last round of chemo, I still dread the thought of going. I was bemoaning my situation this week. You know, for being a primarily (though not entirely) 'female' disease, it certainly has a way of making you feel less womanly. And why does it take so long to treat it when theoretically the cancer's gone following surgery? Why can an antibiotic kill a virus/bacteria in 5-10 days, and it takes months and months and all your hair falling out for a cancer cell to die? I can't imagine the chemo drugs are that much less hefty. Sigh. One to go. Almost done. And I can almost see the "5:00 shadow-ish" look of my hair without squinting into the mirror. So those are all good things.
Did you know...
Read a devotional this week (My Utmost for His Highest again). It put it so plainly and I don't know if I've heard it said so clearly - our redemption is not for our sake, that is for us to be closer to God, but it's for God's sake - so that he may be glorified. I always kinda thought salvation was for us to get 'out of the muck' but, Hello!, our salvation is for God that we may glorify him. Imagine that...it's not about me. Funny thing. :) We so often strive to 'save' someone when in reality we should be redeeming them for God.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Caught a Bug
I made the mistake of taking my temperature yesterday. But I learned that they take 'temperatures' very seriously over in the oncology department!
I was feeling the usual aches that come the days following treatment, but for whatever reason, they were different aches. That, combined with the fact that usually on Tuesday/Wednesday I'm feeling better, and I was feeling pretty crappy. So on a whim I took my temp. 100.5 Low-grade, but in chemo-world that's the red-flag number. I phoned the doctors office and told them the temp and asked if I should freak out or if there was something I needed to do. Given the fact, too that I didn't have the 'day after shot' of neulasta to boost the white blood count I think caused concern. I was instructed to go get my blood drawn to check the profile ASAP. Meanwhile I remembered I could take an ibuprofen and was feeling much better, thank you very much. So I went home, took a nap, and waited for them to tell me if I should 'freak out.'
Josh woke me up soon after and told me we were off the the ER. Lovely. You can imagine how excited we were for that! Long story short, I got a heavy-duty dose of antibiotics and sent home with two other antibiotics and strict instructions not to go near germs, to come in immediately if my temp "spiked," (to a whoppin' 101) and not to take an more ibuprofen/tylenol in case it was masking any infections.
So while I say I wish I never took my temp - that I shoulda just taken an ibuprofen, gotten a good shoulder rub and called it good - their response to my low temp was significant. Apparently when your WBC counts are low and you show signs of illness, it can get out of hand in a hurry. So I appreciate their precautions. I suppose I'm just not accustomed to so much fuss over a few stiff muscles and a headache.
Today I'm feeling significantly better, so I gotta believe I really was fighting something!
Met with the radiation oncologist, Dr. Kastner, today also. Looks like the plan is that after my last chemo on Feb. 11 I'll go downstairs for 'mapping.' I'm not quite sure what that means other than they'll add a few tatoos on me (sorry, no roses or "I love Mom" - just tiny dots) and begin the creation of the virtual me that they'll use to figure the tangents, etc for zapping the potentially cancerous lymph nodes and tissues. Yes, it'll be as fun as it sounds. Treatments won't actually start until mid-March, however, because we're finally taking the kids on the Disney trip we promised when Josh started seminary. Yea!
Here's how that went:
Dad's going to seminary: ok
We'll go to Disney when he's done: YEA
Dad has an extra internship this summer: boo
So we'll go at the end of summer: YEA
But Mom got cancer and needs surgery: boo
So we'll go in between treatments: YEA
Gotta love it!
I was feeling the usual aches that come the days following treatment, but for whatever reason, they were different aches. That, combined with the fact that usually on Tuesday/Wednesday I'm feeling better, and I was feeling pretty crappy. So on a whim I took my temp. 100.5 Low-grade, but in chemo-world that's the red-flag number. I phoned the doctors office and told them the temp and asked if I should freak out or if there was something I needed to do. Given the fact, too that I didn't have the 'day after shot' of neulasta to boost the white blood count I think caused concern. I was instructed to go get my blood drawn to check the profile ASAP. Meanwhile I remembered I could take an ibuprofen and was feeling much better, thank you very much. So I went home, took a nap, and waited for them to tell me if I should 'freak out.'
Josh woke me up soon after and told me we were off the the ER. Lovely. You can imagine how excited we were for that! Long story short, I got a heavy-duty dose of antibiotics and sent home with two other antibiotics and strict instructions not to go near germs, to come in immediately if my temp "spiked," (to a whoppin' 101) and not to take an more ibuprofen/tylenol in case it was masking any infections.
So while I say I wish I never took my temp - that I shoulda just taken an ibuprofen, gotten a good shoulder rub and called it good - their response to my low temp was significant. Apparently when your WBC counts are low and you show signs of illness, it can get out of hand in a hurry. So I appreciate their precautions. I suppose I'm just not accustomed to so much fuss over a few stiff muscles and a headache.
Today I'm feeling significantly better, so I gotta believe I really was fighting something!
Met with the radiation oncologist, Dr. Kastner, today also. Looks like the plan is that after my last chemo on Feb. 11 I'll go downstairs for 'mapping.' I'm not quite sure what that means other than they'll add a few tatoos on me (sorry, no roses or "I love Mom" - just tiny dots) and begin the creation of the virtual me that they'll use to figure the tangents, etc for zapping the potentially cancerous lymph nodes and tissues. Yes, it'll be as fun as it sounds. Treatments won't actually start until mid-March, however, because we're finally taking the kids on the Disney trip we promised when Josh started seminary. Yea!
Here's how that went:
Dad's going to seminary: ok
We'll go to Disney when he's done: YEA
Dad has an extra internship this summer: boo
So we'll go at the end of summer: YEA
But Mom got cancer and needs surgery: boo
So we'll go in between treatments: YEA
Gotta love it!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Chemo 7: Done!
Well, it's in the system anyway. We decided to do a little bit of steroids. She gave me the dose during chemo that I've gotten in the past, I'll take 2 mg twice on Friday & Saturday, then 2 mg once on Sun & Monday. I think. Anyway, they're working on the 'taper' because that's what apparently causes the emotional crash. The nurse practitioner said that for patients with lymphoma, they get 100 mg. for treatment (I don't know what I was given, but that sounds like a lot given that my 'taper meds' are only 4 mg.) and then they don't get ANY taper. THAT'll mess with your system! Again another humbling experience to hear that after I'm going round and round trying to get dosages so my hands don't hurt. Nice, Amanda.
......
Josh picked up My Utmost for His Highest (online link) by Oswalk Chambers (Amazon) again and so every so often I read it also. If you've never read any of it, I highly recommend it! Here's one that struck me as of late:
VISION AND DARKNESS
from myutmost.org
"An horror of great darkness fell upon him." Genesis 15:12
Whenever God gives a vision to a saint, He puts him, as it were, in the shadow of His hand, and the saint's duty is to be still and listen. There is a darkness which comes from excess of light, and then is the time to listen. Genesis 16 is an illustration of listening to good advice when it is dark instead of waiting for God to send the light. When God gives a vision and darkness follows, wait. God will make you in accordance with the vision He has given if you will wait His time. Never try and help God fulfil His word. Abraham went through thirteen years of silence, but in those years all self-sufficiency was destroyed; there was no possibility left of relying on common-sense ways. Those years of silence were a time of discipline, not of displeasure. Never pump up joy and confidence, but stay upon God (cf. Isaiah 50:10,11).
Have I any confidence in the flesh? Or have I got beyond all confidence in myself and in men and women of God; in books and prayers and ecstasies; and is my confidence placed now in God Himself, not in His blessings? "I am the Almighty God" - El-Shaddai, the Father-Mother God. The one thing for which we are all being disciplined is to know that God is real.
And so we wait in our "time of discipline." Josh & I were talking about our church planting plans 4 months ago and it felt so right and God-ordained. And now here we are in this 'desert.' What is God working out in our family? In me? In my kids and family? What will it take for me to know that God is real? What else will He teach me? Time to read Gen 16 to learn what's in there.
.....
My feet and lips are already tingly so I'm back on the couch sipping cool drinks with my feet propped on pillows. Noah's having a slumber birthday party - watching the movie 9. Not a bad gig for the moment! The comments these boys make - throughout the ENTIRE movie - are sometimes hilarious!
......
Josh picked up My Utmost for His Highest (online link) by Oswalk Chambers (Amazon) again and so every so often I read it also. If you've never read any of it, I highly recommend it! Here's one that struck me as of late:
VISION AND DARKNESS
from myutmost.org
"An horror of great darkness fell upon him." Genesis 15:12
Whenever God gives a vision to a saint, He puts him, as it were, in the shadow of His hand, and the saint's duty is to be still and listen. There is a darkness which comes from excess of light, and then is the time to listen. Genesis 16 is an illustration of listening to good advice when it is dark instead of waiting for God to send the light. When God gives a vision and darkness follows, wait. God will make you in accordance with the vision He has given if you will wait His time. Never try and help God fulfil His word. Abraham went through thirteen years of silence, but in those years all self-sufficiency was destroyed; there was no possibility left of relying on common-sense ways. Those years of silence were a time of discipline, not of displeasure. Never pump up joy and confidence, but stay upon God (cf. Isaiah 50:10,11).
Have I any confidence in the flesh? Or have I got beyond all confidence in myself and in men and women of God; in books and prayers and ecstasies; and is my confidence placed now in God Himself, not in His blessings? "I am the Almighty God" - El-Shaddai, the Father-Mother God. The one thing for which we are all being disciplined is to know that God is real.
And so we wait in our "time of discipline." Josh & I were talking about our church planting plans 4 months ago and it felt so right and God-ordained. And now here we are in this 'desert.' What is God working out in our family? In me? In my kids and family? What will it take for me to know that God is real? What else will He teach me? Time to read Gen 16 to learn what's in there.
.....
My feet and lips are already tingly so I'm back on the couch sipping cool drinks with my feet propped on pillows. Noah's having a slumber birthday party - watching the movie 9. Not a bad gig for the moment! The comments these boys make - throughout the ENTIRE movie - are sometimes hilarious!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Eeeee!
Hear me screaming like a school girl?? That's because I found fuzz on my head!! Yea! It was confirmed by Josh that I wasn't seeing things or looking at a funny reflection in the mirror: I have fuzz on my head where before there was none. Aaaaaahhhhh! I have no idea why it's there because this taxotere drug seems to rip through my system, but if it's leaving my follicles in tact, I'm not complaining. Now.... how should I arrange the fuzz today? Hmmm. :)
All in all, the last couple of weeks have been pretty uneventful. I tried to do 'normal' last week and petered out by Friday. So...back on the couch playing Wii Boom Bloks again. Nothin' wrong with that.
We rented a small storage unit on Wolverine & Belding so we'll start boxing stuff up and bringing it over there in small loads since Josh goes right past there to work all the time. We're shooting to be out of the house by mid to late February with a few big moves to the storage unit and the Kenyons in between (did I mention we'll be at the Kenyon's? You know us, if there's a party to be had, we'll have it at the Kenyon's! How apropo that we'd move in for a while!). Don't worry, if we need help, we know how to find you - any of you - no one will be safe! Just kidding! Closing on the house will be on the 29th. The radon test, which came back high, was taken care of over the weekend.
So let's talk about radon - another good cancer topic. Radon's a odorless, tasteless, invisible gas released by decomposing matter in the ground. Usually it dissipates, but if it doesn't, levels over 4 are dangerous (sorry don't know the unit of measure for radon gas. Something per cubic something??). Radon gas is believed to be the second-most cause of lung cancer, so you can see why it's such a concern. We've always had levels of about 3something and felt 'when we could afford it' we'd take care of it (kinda like waiting to have kids until you can 'afford' them, huh? Not gonna happen). To get rid of the gas, a pipe & fan can be installed that runs from the basement out the roof somewhere which can be costly. What the new, soon-to-be owners of our house learned is that with our high-efficiency furnace we had put in a few years ago, it creates a vacuum trapping the gas in the basement/house. To fix this all that needed to be done was to drill a big hole in the basement foundation near the furnace and run a pipe up outside the house to the roofline. The hole releases the pressure creating a negative vacuum (I think) that draws everything to that pipe and therefore out to the outside. We'll do one or two more tests to see if it worked, but we're pretty confident. If not, we'll have to go with the more expensive solution instead.
So that's been our week. I'm dreading Thursday as it's another treatment. I'll call the nurse again today to ask about taking the steroids this time. It certainly cleared up the burning hand issue, but Josh really didn't like dealing with me on steroids. He figured I probably didn't realize how low I actually got. So like me: deny anything negative. So I'll ask about that. The other question for the nurse is about my sinuses/mouth. My tongue is the obvious problem, but I noticed that my sinuses seemed to get 'burned' and takes a long time to recover. Such tender tissue - will it survive?
But if my hair's surviving... I'm sure there's a drug for all the other stuff. :)
All in all, the last couple of weeks have been pretty uneventful. I tried to do 'normal' last week and petered out by Friday. So...back on the couch playing Wii Boom Bloks again. Nothin' wrong with that.
We rented a small storage unit on Wolverine & Belding so we'll start boxing stuff up and bringing it over there in small loads since Josh goes right past there to work all the time. We're shooting to be out of the house by mid to late February with a few big moves to the storage unit and the Kenyons in between (did I mention we'll be at the Kenyon's? You know us, if there's a party to be had, we'll have it at the Kenyon's! How apropo that we'd move in for a while!). Don't worry, if we need help, we know how to find you - any of you - no one will be safe! Just kidding! Closing on the house will be on the 29th. The radon test, which came back high, was taken care of over the weekend.
So let's talk about radon - another good cancer topic. Radon's a odorless, tasteless, invisible gas released by decomposing matter in the ground. Usually it dissipates, but if it doesn't, levels over 4 are dangerous (sorry don't know the unit of measure for radon gas. Something per cubic something??). Radon gas is believed to be the second-most cause of lung cancer, so you can see why it's such a concern. We've always had levels of about 3something and felt 'when we could afford it' we'd take care of it (kinda like waiting to have kids until you can 'afford' them, huh? Not gonna happen). To get rid of the gas, a pipe & fan can be installed that runs from the basement out the roof somewhere which can be costly. What the new, soon-to-be owners of our house learned is that with our high-efficiency furnace we had put in a few years ago, it creates a vacuum trapping the gas in the basement/house. To fix this all that needed to be done was to drill a big hole in the basement foundation near the furnace and run a pipe up outside the house to the roofline. The hole releases the pressure creating a negative vacuum (I think) that draws everything to that pipe and therefore out to the outside. We'll do one or two more tests to see if it worked, but we're pretty confident. If not, we'll have to go with the more expensive solution instead.
So that's been our week. I'm dreading Thursday as it's another treatment. I'll call the nurse again today to ask about taking the steroids this time. It certainly cleared up the burning hand issue, but Josh really didn't like dealing with me on steroids. He figured I probably didn't realize how low I actually got. So like me: deny anything negative. So I'll ask about that. The other question for the nurse is about my sinuses/mouth. My tongue is the obvious problem, but I noticed that my sinuses seemed to get 'burned' and takes a long time to recover. Such tender tissue - will it survive?
But if my hair's surviving... I'm sure there's a drug for all the other stuff. :)
Friday, January 8, 2010
Out of the fog
After many days of not feeling like myself and feeling sorry for whatever 'self' I was, I'm glad to report the fog has lifted!
Note to self: steroids, bad!
And... I make a very bad druggy.
I was humbled today. I was reminded by a very good friend of my blessings and my short-comings. It reiterated what I was reading about 'suffering' (probably not a good topic when feeling sorry for one's self!) - that growth comes out of suffering.
I am not an empathetic person. But with each experience, each bit of suffering, I'm taught to be more empathetic. I can appreciate how one might feel when they see themselves as 'different'; I have a small taste of what it may be like to not be able to use your hands like you want to; I can say, "I know exactly what you mean!" when I hear that someone struggles with depression symptoms, or lives every day with medical concerns. At the same time, while I think that I can say, "ya, me too," I know that I can never fully walk in another's shoes, but I'm learning that I need to quit talking and start listening better.
I struggle, yes. But it's a struggle for a little while. My prayer is that my small bit of suffering may stay with me so that I may never forget the lessons I am learning as a result.
Note to self: steroids, bad!
And... I make a very bad druggy.
I was humbled today. I was reminded by a very good friend of my blessings and my short-comings. It reiterated what I was reading about 'suffering' (probably not a good topic when feeling sorry for one's self!) - that growth comes out of suffering.
I am not an empathetic person. But with each experience, each bit of suffering, I'm taught to be more empathetic. I can appreciate how one might feel when they see themselves as 'different'; I have a small taste of what it may be like to not be able to use your hands like you want to; I can say, "I know exactly what you mean!" when I hear that someone struggles with depression symptoms, or lives every day with medical concerns. At the same time, while I think that I can say, "ya, me too," I know that I can never fully walk in another's shoes, but I'm learning that I need to quit talking and start listening better.
I struggle, yes. But it's a struggle for a little while. My prayer is that my small bit of suffering may stay with me so that I may never forget the lessons I am learning as a result.
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