The lat flap surgery of October 8 seems to be pretty much behind me now (there's a pun in there somewhere!). At surgery, he - the plastic surgeon - placed a tissue expander between the old, leathery, radiated pectoralis and the latissimus muscle (now a new chest). Today was the second 'fill' of that tissue expander and amazingly, I'm feeling quite well! The first fill knocked me out for a good 5 days. That is to say, limited ability to use my arm, sometimes it hurt to breath b/c it would stretch my chest muscles a little more, sleeping was a hassel... driving, problematic.
But today after the second fill, I'm feeling very 'able,' which is exciting for me. Though I'm in conflict yet about my desires to do lots of 'stuff' like all the things that kids and household require, but also wanting to take the best care of myself which includes things like exercise, but also rest. So my conflict is to rest and heal (and feel the guilt of laziness) or to exercise and 'do' and potentially burn out. Such is the question for anyone, right? How much is too much and how little is just flat out wrong or unhelpful.
On another note, I heard a great sermon on the radio the last two days by Tony Evans about Jesus' handling of the death of Lazarus. One point he makes, among many (I had to pull the car over 3 times to jot down notes) is about faith NOT being a feeling. Faith in God is an action. The Bible talks about walking faithfully with God. Though perhaps I'm interpreting incorrectly as the Bible never states exactly that we 'walk by faith', I'm inclined to agree w/ Mr. Evans that faith, then, is an action much like walking is an action. Faith is not a feeling: "I feel God calling me to XYZ" but rather that our faith is more a reflection of obedience to God's Word. I may not FEEL that I should stay in a yucky situation or take steps for a new direction or whatever the case may be. But if I have been mandated by God to follow his commands as laid out in His Word, in love for Him I am to step out in faith. I cannot understand the ways of God, but I am assured of His promises and that is where faith is my blessing.
Preach to the choir, Amanda. Josh and I are praying and trying to seek God's will about what to do next: is it a new church plant somewhere, is it working for an established church, is it facilitating a restart for a church? In all these things, how will we best fulfill His command to 'go and make disciples'. Do we over-think these things? Is it as simple as 'going and making disciples' and God will fill in the blanks? I guess, Lord, I need a starting place - just like you can't start a swim race or a foot race w/out a starting block, we need a block for our family to start from.
We pray for a clear block in our road. :)
