Surrender

We had a sermon at church a few weeks ago from the book of Luke - the parable about the widow's mite. She gave just a few cents, but it was far more precious than the hundreds of dollars the wealthy gave back to God.

But that's not what struck me. The point I walked away with (even if Jon didn't intend it) was that we are to surrender it all to God because it all belongs to Him in the first place. The point was from a financial perspective, and for our family, that's the easy thing - it's a tangible thing we can see if we are following through.  But what struck me is that there's other areas of my life that I am selfish about and it's not tangible. I'm selfish about my need to escape - to be alone, do my own thing, tune out the world - essentially cut out relationships for a time. It's a huge need for me!

We were looking at houses to rent in Corvallis and came across this really cute place that was for sale with a remote possibility of being rentable. It was 1400 sq. ft on two levels. Now...how often are all my kids quietly tucked away in their rooms? Catchin' my drift? We would be 6 people and a dog happily living on top of each other in about 700 sq. ft. - actually less than that b/c the 'master' bedroom was also on the main level. I just Googled the personal space needs for Americans and only came up with the 'two foot rule' which doesn't help in this scenario. But the point is, it'd be very tight quarters. I was spending my mental energy that week trying to come up with ways that I'd be able to find a good space to 'get away' from my family, even for a short time: putting a nice Adorondek chair in the back yard with a small fountain for white noise was the best I could come up with. I love my family, but I have a huge need for escape.

But this is not why God created us! The whole reason God made us was for relationship! What a bondage I'm living in when I don't want to fully appreciate His creation! Would not my life be more "full" if I was not such a slave to my isolation? Sigh. So often the things that bring us comfort are those things which keep us in bondage. We love to eat and be merry, but are then bound by an unhealthy body. We appreciate quality, but are slaves to dissatisfaction. Love children at the cost of a wholesome union with our spouse. Love recreation, but a slave to time. I show my biases in my examples, but what about the intangibles that we are slaves to? Finish the sentence for yourself, "I need to...." or "I have to..." "If I don't do XYZ...." These are the things to which we can be slaves! If you pursue these things, what is it costing you?

Granted, there's a healthy balance in it all, but for me, it was a 'hit me on the head' kind of realization. I may not hoard money, but I hoard giving of myself. Now I need to find the balance b/w healthy Amanda and the relational Amanda that God created me to be!

End of an Era

While I still have at least one more surgery to go, I'm kinda moving past this chapter of my life because we're beginnig a new one soon - our move to Oregon.  You can follow that one, too: Six in a Van. 

God has been walking along us the whole journey - from Josh finishing seminary, diagnosis, declining the church plant position in Lethbridge, treatments, reconstruction and now leading us to a new ministry (in the Pacific NW, no less!). The amazing thing is not just in how He's provided for our family in a multitude of ways, but how He has groomed us for each step. We (Josh & I) have been able to use the time during my treatments to further refine who we are as His children and what we can bring to ministry. Certainly wouldn't have chosen cancer as a 'time-out,' but I feel it's been a blessing for our growth.  We've certainly struggled and new things have risen to the top that we must now address, but how much better to expose those struggles and deal with them straight-up rather than ignoring or remaining ignorant to their destructive results.

Praise God for my breast cancer! One heck of a 'pruning' season, but a blessing in the end.