I have a new friend. It's a very one-sided relationship, but it's working for us both. It's name is Darvocet. I take it, it gives pain relief. It also makes me dizzy which makes me puke, but you have to take the good with the bad, right?
Tuesday night the congestion in my head and ears started to effect my hearing. As I understand, sinus issues are one of those side-effects of taxotere, but one you just kinda have to deal with and get through. Wednesday evening found me in the med. center with throbbing ear pain (thank you Janna and Bev for helping!) A couple hours later I'm on amox. and darvocet and sleeping like a babe. Unfortunately even today (Friday) my hearing and dizziness hasn't resolved. I imagine that due to chemo, my healing factor is down so much that it'll take a while. I'm confident that some time today, the goo'll slide away from my eardrum and I'll be back on track! Knock on wood.
Which brings us to hearing. God continues to add to my areas of empathy - this time: those with hearing troubles. I've learned that I rely a great deal on periferal input when having conversations. To be able to glean feedback from your environment through sounds and not just sight has a huge impact on my ability to have a conversation. So in a short conversation with someone across the room at a gathering not only can I not tell how loudly I am talking and if I'm communicating clearly, but I can't get auditory feedback from the room to know if other people are hmm,mmm-ing/tuning in that I should pay attention to additional people. Plus the frequencies that I can hear are over-the-top distracting and interfering with all the mental energy I'm putting out (and when I'm not feeling well and responding to my environment effectively, I tend to mentally shut down, so it's not saying much!) It's exhausting! Another area of growth and learning for Amanda!
In the meantime, LOTS of rest. Yesterday I emerged from the bedroom for less than an hour total probably. Josh on the other hand, made a fantastic meal of prime rib, glazed carrots, spinach/cranberry/avocado salad, cheesy potatoes, etc., etc. He spent the morning moving stuff and the afternoon/evening in the kitchen. You see, we had our neighbors over for a farewell dinner last night. If you have not had your neighbors over as a collective group for dinner, I highly recommend it! In our neighborhood, we talk and enjoy our neighbors individually (when we're not hibernating), but we had never gathered them all at the same time. In our next neighborhood, we're going to have everyone over shortly after we move in. It just makes sense.
And finally, George. We found a home for George! Barring any disaster at pick-up tonight, he'll be the happy resident on a 20 acre horse farm out in Standale. Hooray! Though cat adoption and cancer don't seem intricately linked, there's certainly a connection between stress & anxiety and slow recovery. So to have George safely adopted means less anxiety and greater healing. Knock on wood, again.
Thank you, God for teaching moments and small blessings.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Party Time!!
I have to say, I have an amazing husband! And he knows I need my amazing friends.
Today was my last chemo treatment. Hazaaah!! I'll admit I almost didn't go. I've noticed a pattern over the last 4 treatments that on the day/night before not only do I go into a depression-like funk, but sometimes I actually start to feel like I've already begun treatment. The brain's an amazing thing, huh? So needless to say, yesterday was a horrible day for me, but I've got an amazing husband who recognized what I need & insisted on helping me, and an amazing community of friends that continue to support our family (thank you Visser family!). They got me - us - through it. It was very good for them to help with the kids yesterday.
Today I woke up overly anxious. I couldn't get out the door soon enough to get it over with. My poor doctors usually get 'punchy Amanda,' (the sarcastic, pessimistic version) but they're good sports about it - at least at 'bedside.' Maybe they all walk out wiping their brow and pulling faces, I'll never know! Josh gave me a great 'silver-lining' pep talk on the way there. He's good at it and I've recommended the talk to a few people already :) It helped, too, that I was able to get a good chunk of time with my sister Lisa who went with me today. So I did it. I finished chemo!
AND THEN....
When I got home (can I just tell you how great Josh is??) there were flowers and valentine chocolates waiting (which I ate [the chocolates, that is] because tomorrow I won't be able to taste them) and a note saying he's got a babysitter and we're going out tonight. What a man! But it gets better... He surprised me by inviting a bunch of friends and my sister to meet us at the restaurant!! I have never felt so special and pleased to celebrate a gucky day in my life! Thank you everyone. Thank you, Josh.
(Josh started his own blog yesterday: "My wife has cancer" I haven't googled the topic (and maybe it'll have a different purpose), but I'm not sure there's many blogs about what it's like to be the support system for a spouse going through cancer. Maybe there is. It's a brand new blog so there's nothing posted just yet.)
So enough about my wonderful hubby - focus, Amanda, it's a cancer blog.
The Plan: tomorrow I'll go for the WBC-boosting Neulasta shot (because it didn't work out not to) and then mentally check out for the weekend. Josh'll move much of the house to storage and our 'new home' over the weekend, we'll manage side-effects all next week, move out and then we're done-done with this round of chemo. I cannot wait!
So we've done a little partying, now to run on the warm beach :)
Oh! We need a home for George the cat, STAT! He needs a permanent or temporary home before we move out on the 21st. Here's a pic and if you (or any friends) wanna adopt or borrow, please let us know. He'll be put down if he's brought to the shelter, I'm quite certain, and he's too nice a cat for that, poor thing.
Today was my last chemo treatment. Hazaaah!! I'll admit I almost didn't go. I've noticed a pattern over the last 4 treatments that on the day/night before not only do I go into a depression-like funk, but sometimes I actually start to feel like I've already begun treatment. The brain's an amazing thing, huh? So needless to say, yesterday was a horrible day for me, but I've got an amazing husband who recognized what I need & insisted on helping me, and an amazing community of friends that continue to support our family (thank you Visser family!). They got me - us - through it. It was very good for them to help with the kids yesterday.
Today I woke up overly anxious. I couldn't get out the door soon enough to get it over with. My poor doctors usually get 'punchy Amanda,' (the sarcastic, pessimistic version) but they're good sports about it - at least at 'bedside.' Maybe they all walk out wiping their brow and pulling faces, I'll never know! Josh gave me a great 'silver-lining' pep talk on the way there. He's good at it and I've recommended the talk to a few people already :) It helped, too, that I was able to get a good chunk of time with my sister Lisa who went with me today. So I did it. I finished chemo!
AND THEN....
When I got home (can I just tell you how great Josh is??) there were flowers and valentine chocolates waiting (which I ate [the chocolates, that is] because tomorrow I won't be able to taste them) and a note saying he's got a babysitter and we're going out tonight. What a man! But it gets better... He surprised me by inviting a bunch of friends and my sister to meet us at the restaurant!! I have never felt so special and pleased to celebrate a gucky day in my life! Thank you everyone. Thank you, Josh.
(Josh started his own blog yesterday: "My wife has cancer" I haven't googled the topic (and maybe it'll have a different purpose), but I'm not sure there's many blogs about what it's like to be the support system for a spouse going through cancer. Maybe there is. It's a brand new blog so there's nothing posted just yet.)
So enough about my wonderful hubby - focus, Amanda, it's a cancer blog.
The Plan: tomorrow I'll go for the WBC-boosting Neulasta shot (because it didn't work out not to) and then mentally check out for the weekend. Josh'll move much of the house to storage and our 'new home' over the weekend, we'll manage side-effects all next week, move out and then we're done-done with this round of chemo. I cannot wait!
So we've done a little partying, now to run on the warm beach :)
Oh! We need a home for George the cat, STAT! He needs a permanent or temporary home before we move out on the 21st. Here's a pic and if you (or any friends) wanna adopt or borrow, please let us know. He'll be put down if he's brought to the shelter, I'm quite certain, and he's too nice a cat for that, poor thing.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Some week!
Well last week was a trip to the ER. This week is a double-trip to the kids' doctor's office. JUST the place I do NOT want to be right now.
Esther and Levi both have ear infections. Esther went in on Monday. Levi was checked that day, but was fine. Naturally. But by Tuesday night he, too, was complaining of a painful ear. So...antibiotics for everyone! Thankfully we've discovered the free meds from Meijer. Yea! My cipro and their amox. was free! Makes you wonder who's paying for them. I'm guessing NOT Meijer.
This past weekend we - scratch that - Josh and a couple of buddies (thank you George and Dave!) moved some - scratch that - lots of furniture out of the basement, stuff from the shed and garage, and some from the storage area over to the new storage unit. (I sound like we should be on an episode of "Clean House"!) This Friday a few other friends (thank Dirk/Kristen and Dave/Sally!) will come spend a good chunk of time helping box up stuff all over the house. The following week, we'll probably move stuff/furniture to the Kenyons and then the week after that - we're out! And homeless! Yea! Oh ya, and have a round of chemo in there, too.
Even though it's the last round of chemo, I still dread the thought of going. I was bemoaning my situation this week. You know, for being a primarily (though not entirely) 'female' disease, it certainly has a way of making you feel less womanly. And why does it take so long to treat it when theoretically the cancer's gone following surgery? Why can an antibiotic kill a virus/bacteria in 5-10 days, and it takes months and months and all your hair falling out for a cancer cell to die? I can't imagine the chemo drugs are that much less hefty. Sigh. One to go. Almost done. And I can almost see the "5:00 shadow-ish" look of my hair without squinting into the mirror. So those are all good things.
Did you know...
Read a devotional this week (My Utmost for His Highest again). It put it so plainly and I don't know if I've heard it said so clearly - our redemption is not for our sake, that is for us to be closer to God, but it's for God's sake - so that he may be glorified. I always kinda thought salvation was for us to get 'out of the muck' but, Hello!, our salvation is for God that we may glorify him. Imagine that...it's not about me. Funny thing. :) We so often strive to 'save' someone when in reality we should be redeeming them for God.
Esther and Levi both have ear infections. Esther went in on Monday. Levi was checked that day, but was fine. Naturally. But by Tuesday night he, too, was complaining of a painful ear. So...antibiotics for everyone! Thankfully we've discovered the free meds from Meijer. Yea! My cipro and their amox. was free! Makes you wonder who's paying for them. I'm guessing NOT Meijer.
This past weekend we - scratch that - Josh and a couple of buddies (thank you George and Dave!) moved some - scratch that - lots of furniture out of the basement, stuff from the shed and garage, and some from the storage area over to the new storage unit. (I sound like we should be on an episode of "Clean House"!) This Friday a few other friends (thank Dirk/Kristen and Dave/Sally!) will come spend a good chunk of time helping box up stuff all over the house. The following week, we'll probably move stuff/furniture to the Kenyons and then the week after that - we're out! And homeless! Yea! Oh ya, and have a round of chemo in there, too.
Even though it's the last round of chemo, I still dread the thought of going. I was bemoaning my situation this week. You know, for being a primarily (though not entirely) 'female' disease, it certainly has a way of making you feel less womanly. And why does it take so long to treat it when theoretically the cancer's gone following surgery? Why can an antibiotic kill a virus/bacteria in 5-10 days, and it takes months and months and all your hair falling out for a cancer cell to die? I can't imagine the chemo drugs are that much less hefty. Sigh. One to go. Almost done. And I can almost see the "5:00 shadow-ish" look of my hair without squinting into the mirror. So those are all good things.
Did you know...
Read a devotional this week (My Utmost for His Highest again). It put it so plainly and I don't know if I've heard it said so clearly - our redemption is not for our sake, that is for us to be closer to God, but it's for God's sake - so that he may be glorified. I always kinda thought salvation was for us to get 'out of the muck' but, Hello!, our salvation is for God that we may glorify him. Imagine that...it's not about me. Funny thing. :) We so often strive to 'save' someone when in reality we should be redeeming them for God.
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