Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Tubeless!

For those of you who don't like medical stuff, this first bit may not be for you - so know you've been warned!

Another visit to Dr. Cullen's and the drain tubes were removed today! Yea!! Mostly that's a good indication that healing is going well and it's one less thing to deal with every day. I was so giggly and giddy at the appointment, I had a hard time concentrating after he removed them! Partly I was giggling b/c he explained (again) that he'd use a magnet to find the whatever-it-is for future reconstruction procedures so I was imagining the various refrigerator magnets I could attach to myself one of these days. The thought's enough to almost get me going again right now!

On a more serious note: This morning I was reading my devotions and was struck about two things:
1.) God not only cares for me (duh!), but He's also caring for each one of my kids and my husband too. He knew the things they would need when we got this diagnosis and how He would be there for them, and the lessons they may learn as well. Sometimes we/I get caught up in remembering God's care and attention to my own needs that I was comforted to remember that He's got my entire family in mind as we walk along this.
2) God can lay his peace and assurance over us in much the same way a warm blanket calms and warms our bodies. A very dear friend made such a warm and fuzzy blanket for me so I was reminded of her care. I was also fingering a beautiful bookmark that another friend made especially to comfort me and made me feel beautiful - as I read from a book given to me from a a woman I've never met but she had written such exact words of God's care for me on the cover. Memory after memory and object after object triggered thoughts of the many ways that God has used you to offer peace and assurance. In all this - all this! - I praise God because I have been taught how to better care for other people because I have learned from you. Thank you is too small a phrase when I feel this tremendously blessed.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Initial pathology report

Dr Pettinga called this morning with a preliminary, but not full pathology report. News is very encouraging! They found cancer in 2 of 15 nodes, which is good. Some cancers had spread outside of the nodes which is OK b/c radiation'll zap those. It was NOT a 5 cm tumor as she initially thought but rather a 1.5 cm tumor plus one other - so it was not connected. Pathology had not recognized the 'other' so she sent them back to look at that one - whatever that means. The skin was also clear, which is another YIPPEE, though there was not a clear report back yet on if it had gone into the muscle or if they had cleared that out.

So overall the first reports back are very 'doable' and much less gloom and doom than I expected. God IS faithful, and God IS good.

Now I'm going to nap.
Thank you again and again to everyone who supports us in SO many ways - holding my hand, doing medical stuff, doing food stuff, doing kid stuff, reading stuff, writing stuff, doing stuffy stuff. YOU are a blessing!

-"Valium Girl" -- out
that's a Pastor Jon joke :)

Sunday, September 27, 2009

A Brief Overview!

We arrived home on Friday evening just in time to see our beautiful children. They are great. Soon thereafter we began the medication carousel. When Saturday arrived the vicadin was beginning to get the best of Amanda. Her temperature rose and food just wouldn't stay down. So, we have deemed yesterday, "Puke Day". Soon thereafter, we ditched the vicadin in favor of motrin. That has helped immensely. Today has been so much better. She actually went out and ate a cheeseburger, drank a milk shake, then she ran 5 miles (joking).
Since arriving at home we have learned how wonderful our circle of family, neighbors and friends really are. We have received food, cards, and flowers. Someone mowed our lawn, others took Noah to his football game and later took him to a movie. Two particular friends that are involved in the medical field have spent huge chunks of time at our house helping Amanda feel comfortable and caring for her. Others have come over to wash Amanda's hair and give her a shower. Their warmth and sensitivity have been overwhelming. Personally, I am a little numb! The experience of such raw love is so humbling. I keep on hearing that well know refrain from my childhood playing over and over in my head, "It's better to give than receive" and here we are receiving. We are overwhelmingly thankful and humbled at the same time.
To all of you I say thank you for what you have done and what you will do. We love you all so much. We are blessed to experience the grace and love of God through you.
Much Love,
Josh

Friday, September 25, 2009

Crying Day

Today is crying day. Amanda is crying because she misses her sister. Because this is harder than she thought. Because it affects her ability as a mother and wife. Because it hurts. Because this "thing" is terrible, no fun, and life changing. She is hopeful, but in the moment she is grieving her loss and suffering.
Amanda is tuff but today shall remain her Crying Day!

Thank you for all your prayers, thoughts, support and concern.
Much Love
Josh

Thursday, September 24, 2009

The day after "Bump Day"!

The morning after has arrived. The realization that I have today, after talking with Dr. Pettinga and Dr. Cullen, is that this "Bump" in the road will be a year long "Bump". We have learned that there is indeed Cancer in Amanda's lymph node. We will learn to what extent on Monday or Tuesday of next week but what we know already is that Amanda is most likely looking at 4 months of chemo, followed by 5 week radiation, followed by another surgery, followed by a few concluding proceeders and such. Between each treatment there will be 3 to 6 weeks of recuperation before they carry on with what is next. This, in many ways, was our worst case scenario. It has now become our new and ever changing "normal".

We are not sure what God is doing but we continue to learn the meaning of trust. That the Lord Jesus is good even in the middle of this junk. Hard but true.

Thank you for your continued prayer. - Josh

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

post surgery

Dear All,

This is Amanda's sister, Lisa, writing. I'll be taking over this job for awhile.

Thank you for your prayers on behalf of Amanda and Josh. The day went so well and Josh and Amanda felt all of your prayers. The surgery started at 1:00 and was finished around 4:30. The surgeon was happy with how well she tolerated the anesthesia and felt that the surgery went well. The surgeon hopes to have all the results back from the lab testing next week sometime.

Josh and Amanda request no visitors at this time but please send cards!

Their address is
6298 Rapidfall Dr NE
Belmont, MI 49306-9751

Thanks for offering your love, support, care and prayers on behalf Josh and Amanda's family.

With much appreciation and love,

Lisa Spoelhof Schra

The Bump Day!

We have arrived at THE day (Bump Day as it has been called). If we are honest, it is a day that we would gladly skip if we were able. It has certainly been an experience, thus far, that is surreal. A strange mix of horrible, humbling, sad, and yet full of love with a touch of peace that pass our understanding.
We are grateful for all the prayer and support. Thankful for life, family and friends but this experience has introduced our family to the fragile nature of life. We are not in control and life has great potential for difficulty. With that in mind, we praise our creator who understands even our misery and cares about things like breasts and cancer and our human struggle. We are grateful for the presence of Christ, by His Spirit, that is at work right now in Amanda and trust that he will supply all that we need.
Keep praying,
Josh

Monday, September 21, 2009

"Art" Day

Had the 'drawing' appointment with Dr. Cullen this morning to get the lines he needs for surgery. I was feeling quite emotional beforehand and hoping I wouldn't lose it during the appointment. As it turned out, it was quite comical! I'll spare you the details of the drawings, but I had a good laugh about it. God has turned an ugly event into joy - how He does these things, I'll never understand. But it does remind me that he knows what we can handle. He knows I needed to have some humor about it; he knows that without laughter today, it would make the wait until Wednesday even harder. Praise God for surgical art!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Immediate needs update:

There's still a need from someone to help with Levi on Monday mornings beginning October 5. Josh will bring the other 3 kids to school at 7:45. Levi will need care from about that time (though I sure we could be flexible) until Diane Siegfried watches him starting at noon. He's very transportable, meaning he could hang out at someone's house or be cared for at home.

Also, Sunday mornings are tricky. I'm hoping someone could come to our house around 8:00/8:15 to help get Esther and Levi ready to go to the first service for Sunday school. Josh doesn't get home until 1:00, so I'll need help with the two of them until then - either hanging out at church, back at home, or with somebody somewhere.

Even if you could help out once or twice with either of these, I'd be eternally grateful!

On a less needy note:
We just got back from a fabulous day at Greg & Kathy's cottage on the Big Lake. I haven't had such a wonderful time with my family in sooooo long. Several times I was able to watch my kids and simply adore them. (A few moments I could'a left them all in the lake, but those paled in comparison!) It was so lovely - we went swimming, beach combing, made sand castles, played at the park, walked the boardwalk, ate ice cream and 5" french fries, and Josh's ankles got seriously fried! Levi learned about speed boats - they are not the same as hairplays (airplanes) though they sound similar. Esther picked up every single feather and piece of garbage, I mean treasure, on the beach. Abby surfed and dug a huge hole. Noah did football up-downs in the waves - and hit Abby over the head with the surfboard, all in good fun. It was a great day!

Funny how simply coming back home brings it all back. I've noticed how hard it is to physically speak the word 'cancer' or 'tumor.' It's kind of like speaking of anatomy in strange company - like you're not sure if you've crossed the line, so you say it with hesitation or reservation. I also realized that I think I've actually had the thought, though never verbalized it, that I would never have cancer. I'd be one of those strange statistics that seemed to 'dodge the bullet.' Seems like everyone is doomed to get some kind of cancer, but I'd be the exception, at least for a long time. This isn't the reality I expected - not yet anyway. Oh well. A few more days without cancer and doctors in my face - Monday starts up the appointments again. Sigh.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

A Way in the WIlderness

From Praying Through Cancer devotional book that my sister gave me. This particular day has stuck with me so I thought I'd share it:

*********************
I will not leave you desolate; I will come to you. John 14:18

When I learned I had breast cancer, I was in the midst of studying about the people of Israel. God had a plan to bring them out of Egypt, but oh how they grumbled about where they ended up - in the wilderness. It seemed to me that if I rebelled against this bend in the road, I, like the Israelites, would be grumbling against God's goodness and purpose. So I determined to follow Him and trust His provision wherever He chose to lead me. He did provide for me there - the skillful surgeon, the many who prayed for me, the support of my family. It seemed like such a victory, and I thought I was home free.

Then I saw my oncologist, and the treatment options he laid before me seemed overwhelming. Again I was in the wilderness, not because God was leading me there, but because I ran there out of fear. God did not leave me alone. He gave me clear direction regarding the course of treatment to follow.

The big battle for me has been, and continues to be, in my mind - not to let fear overwhelm me, not to dwell on the what-ifs, but to count on God's character and His promises, which are sure.

***********

Another verse that has struck me is this in Isaiah 49:16
See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.

I know that as I walk this journey with God, His hand holds mine and has my name engraved on it.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

A few details:

We are humbled by the people who have expressed a desire to help in some way! I met with some wonderful women last night and man, can they think of everything! My thanks goes out to Char (and Jim!) Sweat, Diane Siegfried, and Jeanne Maher. If you have any questions about schtuff having to do with our family, they'll know the answer.

River Rock is using a wonderful site called "Take Them a Meal" (careful: link opens in same window unless you do what you do so it doesn't) to assist with the meal prep during this time. Char Sweat is heading that up; you can contact her with questions. Password is our house number.

If you desire to help in any other way, please contact Diane Siegfried. As of this moment, I have a childcare 'gap' on Monday mornings (8-noon) to help with Levi and pick up Esther from kindergarten.

Jeanne Maher can also help with any questions or thoughts.

I'd tell wonderful details about upcoming appointments and expectations for recovery, etc., except we know nothing more than 'major surgery next Wednesday.' Simple answer is: we'll know more about the particular 'behavior' and extent of the cancer when we get the full pathology report two weeks from surgery.

Thank you everyone for the continued prayers and expressions of concern. I immensely appreciate your emails and the notes - I cherish each one. I would love to respond to each and every one but I'm realizing I cannot do that - but thank you and know that I truly appreciate the notes that you send!

Friday, September 11, 2009

The date has been set

So, it's been decided: Wednesday, Sept. 23 at 1 pm "The Surgery" will happen. In some ways there's a great deal of relief to know that this will happen, but in many more ways it's a very surreal thing. As my brother-in-law said about his open heart surgery: It's all surreal until it's all over.

The thing that's hardest to wrap my head around right now is all of our schedules! We (now regrettably) decided before the fact to sign both girls up for soccer this fall. Combine that with Noah's football, all the new school expectations, pending needs-planning, and doctor's appointments and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed! I'm accustomed to NO schedule, more of a rhythm, and this throws it all out of whack!

Immediate needs that I can think of:
1. A dog walker/runner on and after Sept 23
2. Help every Sunday morning. I don't know when I'll be able to get back to church after surgery and with Josh leading worship, I'll be alone with the kids every Sunday. I'll need help getting the little ones to church, but then a hand at home (or something) during the other service. Basically I'll need help from about 8:00 until 12:30/1:00 or thereabouts.

I'll be adding information on how people can help us with child care, carpooling, meals, cleaning, etc., etc. I'm wishing it can be an interactive thing, but haven't found that option yet. So check back often, if you'd be so kind!

So that's where we are! It's amazing to see God's hand working, but we have certainly been scratching our heads over it all as well. Sometimes we see the silver lining (God) and other times we despair to consider what may lie ahead. We had a showing to sell our house this afternoon, and as Sam Huizenga said, "What IS God up to??"

I thank God for the many people who have spoken or given me words of comfort in the last few weeks. It's unbelievable sometimes how God's people can support one other. Thank you for letting God's love reach me, through you!