So almost a full 'cycle' of chemo under my belt and have a better understanding of what my next 4-5 months will be like. So here goes:
Thursday: treatment
Friday-Sunday: morning sickness-type stomach upset
Monday-Tuesday: feeling pretty good
Wednesday-Sunday: extreme and then lessening exhaustion due to low blood levels
Monday-Wednesday: feeling good, I suspect, tho this week I have another plastic surgeon appointment so I'll be dealing with that instead of functioning well :(
And then the process starts all over again!
This goes on for 4 cycles (so about mid-December) and then I start a different cycle of 4 times. This other cycle will begin with treatment every three weeks instead of every two weeks. After 12 weeks, I get a 3 week break then radiation of 33 sessions - they take weekends and holidays off, yippee!! So 6.5 weeks of radiation and then final reconstruction begins.
So goes my new rhythm of life!
On another note: I went to the Women's Retreat this weekend - thank you April who did a GREAT job putting it together!! I realized there that I have no problem worshipping and glorifying God, my Maker, but I really struggle with the praise songs. I've had a few people ask me if I was angry with God about my cancer. My answer: No, never. My God is so much bigger than my diagnosis. I read this weekend in Colossians 1:17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. This has been my sentiment from the beginning - and I found it so plainly written right there in the Bible - yea, God! So, while I have this confidence in God and his plan, I guess I have a hard time praising him through it. He's more than worthy of my worship and is more glorious than (fill in the blank), so what's it about praise that I struggle so much? Here's what I discovered as I looked up the definitions - praise is to express approval and admiration; worship is an expression of love and devotion; glorify is to exalt. So there you go - through all this I know God is deserving of everything I can give, but I'm struggling to be able to approve of this present course. Am I angry with God? I still say 'no,' but I now understand that while I have confidence in the outcomes, I do struggle with loving the current circumstance.
Wow, Amanda, thanks so much for taking the time to share these thoughts! It is a huge blessing to all of us following your blog for you to be so open about your trials and triumphs and heart responses. I will remember this someday when my praise also becomes a sacrifice. Blessings to you, sister in Christ!
ReplyDelete-from Nicole Lirio
Amanda --
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the udpates. We pray for you and your family daily, and these updates certainly help us to know how to pray you through this.
I echo Nicole's sentiments ... these thoughts from your heart, your honest struggles, your deep-rooted faith ... all speak to the rest of us about the realities of worshiping and glorifying an awesome God in the midst of a deep valley.
From the deep to the mundane -- I am scheduled to bring you dinner Wednesday, and it looks like that is a day of exhaustion for you. I am free to drop it off 1 & 3 but have piano lessons after that. Will you be around then, or should I leave it somewhere for you?
Heidi
Make the BETWEEN 1 & 3 : )
ReplyDeleteHeidi
Worship is focusing on Him and that is what He wants us to do. It is sometimes very difficult to look past our situations in life. What an amazing God who allows us to be honest with Him and He gives us the grace that we need for the moment. God knows your fears and your concerns, He knows your questions and mind games; and He loves knowing that in spite of your circumstances, you can still trust and worship Him. Thank you for being so transparent. We are looking forward to meeting you some day. Linda (one of Phyllis's DWIPS)
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